It's Hyun Suk.
There will be posts about my life and what I've been experiencing.
Mainly, what I will post are stuff that I feel like I can truly express myself in words when it has to involve my life.
Anyways, it's all for God and I hope that you guys enjoy reading what I post.
God bless.
It’s moments like these where you are slowly feeling burned out and your friends are just there for you in the right moments.
Had a good talk with a guy who I haven’t talked in weeks. It was nice catching up and seeing how he’s doing and vise versa. Miss the guy yet we’re practically neighbors. It’s crazy how things are just making us not time at all. I can’t believe it but we’re all growing up but we’re growing up a little too fast.
Another friend and I were talking through Facebook yesterday and all the way up to today. The relationship she and I is something I just can’t seem to comprehend sometimes. It’s crazy that we are so close and have similar lives. After all we’ve gone through, I know I can really count on her when I need her the most.
I am truly blessed with the people I have in this life I am living. I could not ask for better people in my life because they are all very important and very precious to me…..can’t see myself going without these people.
Despite doing somewhat okay on my Bio exam, it’s hard to see people go.
Just about 45 minutes ago, I said good-bye to a friend who I was reconnecting and it was not easy to say good-bye.
Technically it was but internally, it wasn’t easy letting go and moving on.
Now I knew how my parents felt when I left last year.
The waterworks hasn’t kicked in yet but there was so much we could have done before but time went by too fast. Certain people has teased me about this friend but I didn’t care at all. It was annoying but still, didn’t care.
I’ll miss her and I know this is what’s best for her.
It’s amazing how much of an impact you can make. It’s little things that make up for the big picture. I am starting to realize that I have to learn how to really open up to people and at the same time, be willing to listen…be willing to accept.
As I talking with my friend, walking at Redondo, it is crazy how close we have gotten and can’t believe that we are still friends after so long. The kind of relationship like this is not easy to come by. Out of all the friends I know, I probably only have about 3 people I can turn to. You need friends, beside family, you’ll always another group of support. Family will always be number 1 but there will times when your family isn’t enough.
I’m thankful for the people that are in my life. I lost a lot of people but I have gained a lot of people as well. These are precious moments that must be kept forever because you never know when it will vanish.
A well needed wake up call…..
Things are just not going well yet I’m not looking deeper to see where the faults are.
Realized that I can’t be honest to myself….I don’t know what I truly desire and it says that I’m not humble. Have no humility whatsoever. In fact, I’m the same as everyone in this world. Can’t see the very faults in me, can’t admit my own weaknesses, can’t call for help.
I’m pathetic yet I’m still here alive.
Need some deep thought and mirror lol to look at myself. Need to really go beyond the outer shell and into the roots…….
I failed and I know it. I failed but God is all I have.
I’m burned out, I’m pushed to my limits….it’s conflicting with so many things. Gotta trust in the Lord that I can overcome the odds. I can do everything I need one step at a time.
People need to freaking get off my back.
These past couple of days, it’s been brought up multiple times and it’s getting out of hand…..it’s been about one thing that involved me on Facebook and it became the only thing they’ll ask me about.
I know I’m not the only one but really bothers me when someone assumes about something in my life or anyone’s life in general. And yes I could understand that this is a little bit of a surprise.
For me and what many people do see in me, I’m a person who generally has no social life, don’t do much outside with others and that one little post brought up a lot of questions and people are just on that and blown it off out of proportion.
Leave me alone…….REALLY. You don’t know what’s going on….I’m not trying to hide anything….honestly. I’m not. Why won’t you just buzz off and forget about it?
It’s not like I say something when something big happens like a relationship status, an unexpected photo posted, or something.
This is a little bit personal and I don’t want to go details about it because it really doesn’t concern anyone. So just let me be.
Been off Facebook for a bit, feels actually good for two reasons. I don’t see annoying stuff being post on my news feed every minute. No more rants or complaints…etc…..it feels really good to be away from Facebook. I tried putting Facebook away for a bit and I think I might be off for a very long time. This is a good excuse for me to advance other communication methods because I lack communication skills……really.
Been working 5 nights in a row 4 of which were roughly between 6-8 hours. I got one more and hopefully I don’t go over 5 hours. Last night was 5.5 hours and I finished this morning in 4.5 hours. I’m not really excited about what my paycheck will come out because I honestly never cared about how much money I make. All I care about is using that money with responsibly, saving up for stuff I’ll need in the future, and pay for my insurance, gas, etc.
Right now, I’m trying to cut back and save up for a Mac Book Pro, a T3i, and possibly a better electric guitar or electric guitar parts and just fix it myself. I mean I already have items in mind that I am not all necessarily in need of but want. I want a new laptop cuz mine’s very limited to use and it’s too noisy. Plus, I want something a bit more powerful so I can improve my recording, video editing skills. Also, I want something with a powerful battery…wanna stay away from the plug as long as possible. A T3i, a dslr. I wasn’t planning to buy a Canon but from reading many reviews and found that suggestions recommend the T3i for filming. However, I will not just use that for filming. I’ll use that for some basic photography as well. I’ve been actually debating with the idea about learning how to take some decent photos. Guitar….that’s obvious whether I buy a new one or parts but for future usage.
For now, I’m stressing out about school and how my job is affecting both school and church. As much as I do not like to take time off from church…..lately even to me, church is slowly becoming a chore to me. People are asking to do stuff and it builds up to becoming so much and expect so much out of me that I can’t manage at all. We say we gotta be sensitive but how much effort are you putting in so you can listen to that person’s situation in that moment? However, just two more days and I’ll be free. Feeling really uneasy right now but I’m in God’s hands.
Now I might sound like a selfish prick right here but understand where I am coming from.
I believe sharing is good when everyone contributes. Let’s say two friends and I all drive. We all decided to just carpool. However, instead of rotating, it’s only one person driving every single time. Now, that’s not sharing. That’s just using one person’s car.
It’s about fairness and equality. Sharing is great. I love to share but that’s only if it’s the situation is appropriate. I wouldn’t let someone borrow my computer if they know that they have two other computers they can use. You shouldn’t let someone borrow something of yours just because it’s better and he or she likes it better. That is just a selfish reason……no joke about it. I don’t care at all. I can’t take it anymore. I’m at the point where I don’t want to do anything anymore for anyone for any particular reason. I’m a nice guy and it’s true. I think people take advantage of that. What do you expect? I grew up isolated, away from society, away from people, and I pretty much was left alone. I didn’t have that kind of freedom to hang out with people or just be able to have a bit of freedom at all.
I’m about to deactivate my facebook for awhile. It’s getting annoying and I don’t really use it anyways. If anyone is reading this……don’t try to understand what I’m going through or reason with me because I’m a little sick and tired of people pushing me a little beyond what I’m trying to handle right now. I don’t care if it’s out of love, heck I don’t care at all. I have some stuff I need to get done and i have my priorities. I know what has to be more important. I’m not gonna justify myself with that stupid overused excuse about saying that God knows my heart. God may know my heart, and He knows that I’m suffering. However, if I have something to get done, I should have every right to finish what I need to finish….without any sort of interference. Don’t give me anymore pressure as it is. I’m trying to juggle my job now since it is playing a major role with school and church. I have enough things to handle. I don’t need anymore than I can take.
So for now, just people leave me alone and let me be. I’m tired of people looking at me like I don’t know what I’m doing, telling me what I’m doing is conflicting. Everything is conflicting and I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m doing my best to figure things out.
